Thursday, June 23, 2011

Restless everything

I am feeling very restless today. My legs are bouncing around under me as I type this, it's the only thing keeping me sane right now.

The last time I remember feeling like this, I had gone off my anti-depressant and restlessness was one of the discontinuation (i.e. withdrawal) symptoms. I can't focus on anything, not even the tv. I couldn't read a book. I couldn't work on my journalism curriculum. I definitely couldn't focus on getting an outline of the development of harmoniemusik during the Classical period for my comprehensive history paper.

The only thing I can think of is hormones, because I'm not necessarily bored. I WANT to do all of these things but my brain won't stop long enough to digest whatever it is that I am doing. The other morning, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill down the sink. It's a monophasic pill, meaning the dose is the same all month long, so I just took the next one, knowing that my month would end a day earlier than usual. Today is the day when I should have had a pill but didn't. I've always been very sensitive to them, even the super low dose ones I have now, as well as pretty much any medication, aside from NSAIDs. I wonder if the early flux in hormones has something to do with it.

I feel like I'm going batty.

There. Typing actually seems to help.

In other news, I tried Peruvian food the other night and it was fantastic. A couple of ladies from a website I visit (one of whom I had met once, the other I had not met at all, aside from our online personas), invited me out for this delicious dinner. I was surprised, flattered, and a little...well, shocked. I told the one that I had not met that I was glad I hadn't found a way to alienate her, as I seem to do that so well so much of the time! She thought that was pretty funny.

Work on my journalism curriculum is going well. I've gotten through three units now, slogging through sports writing. Op-Eds are staring me in the face right now but I can't think about them. I am proud that I have been able to get fairly far ahead to get the year started. I know I won't get to work on this project at all in July.

My nine hours and comprehensive exams are looming over my head. I almost regret my history paper topic, but after being denied the first time, I felt creatively stunted and chose something else, perhaps poorly. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the earlier history of my topic, and have hit a wall with it.

My efforts to de-pee the house have not been totally in vain. I feel like I am making progress in the dining room, though we know someday, not too far into the future, we need to take out the carpet, seal the floor and put down laminate. It makes more sense in a dining room, anyway, even though it isn't being used for that purpose at this time.

This morning I sat down and made a little wishlist of all the things I would like to do to the house in the nearish future, and then my ultimate, shoot for the moon wishlist, which probably won't happen (choose a new color for the outside trim and gutters and paint it...yeah, right). I feel like some of them are pretty manageable, like putting in a new showerhead in my hallway bathroom or putting down new vent grates, as the ugly ones we have now are an eyesore. Both of these are fairly inexpensive. Some things on the list, like putting in a vent fan in the hallway bath, will require us to hire someone, but are still within reach.

At this point, I am just trying to not dread July and look forward to a possible vacation at the end, and what should be a really good school year for me. My yearbook staff has almost $3,000 to start the year (holy cow, the most we ever had before was a $14 carryover), I have great upper class group in band, and though my newspaper staff is small, they are good, and I plan on outsourcing some other work to non-staff students and let them freelance a little. The school is getting some major upgrades, like new lighting, heating, windows, and hopefully chillers, in an effort to make the building energy efficient. We're even getting school-wide wifi! I can use a laptop in my classroom! (not that I couldn't before, but cordless sure would be nice). So, I'm just trying to look forward to the good and not dread the not as good.

I feel better for having typed all this out. Less restless. Perhaps I'll bake something and that will make me feel like I accomplished at least something today.

Monday, June 13, 2011

31 for 31 check in

I'm about halfway through my 31 for 31, so I figured it was time for me to check in and see my progress. I know I'm failing miserably at some things, but others I feel like I am excelling.

Oh, and guess what--I'm not private anymore! I figured enough time had passed now to let some other stuff die down.

I also apologize for going almost a month without an update...I've been seriously enjoying my time away from work, but have definitely been keeping busy around the house. Since my June class at the university was canceled due to low enrollment, I'm free for the whole month and am getting my new journalism curriculum in order and getting a lot done around the house.

All right, here we go!

1. Stop being a lazy cook and get in the kitchen: I'm doing pretty well at this, especially since it's summer. Next month is going to be very busy for me, so I imagine there are going to be lots of sandwich nights.

2. Make H clean the kitchen more with me after dinner: I ask him to come in from time to time but I don't nag him about it. Sometimes he does stuff on his own. I've figured out, though, that if he puts away the dishes on his own, my cooking utensils are never put back in the same place!

3. Be a more engaged and engaging piano instructor: I've had exactly one lesson this summer. I was doing pretty well, though, playing duets with my students and sharing fun music stories.

4. Stop being afraid to hurt certain peoples' feelings and tell them what I really think when they ask. No one spares my feelings: Nope, no one spares my feelings. However, that's fine. I'm a tough broad, and can handle it. I've been told, at least by coworker friends, that I am very good at being diplomatic.

5. Read more books: Yay! I read a book for fun! I read Michael Crighton's Prey and loved it. I'm currently re-reading The Bachman Book series by Stephen King. Found it at a half-price books store for $6.50--that's about a penny a page.

6. Go to some concerts at the local universities: FAIL.

7. Finish C25K and do speedwork, then move to Bridge to 10K: Even bigger fail. I have given up on C25K for the time being, as I explained before.

8. Sign up for and race at least 3 5K's this year: Skipping ahead...

9. Sign up for and race at least 1 10K this year: Skipping ahead...

10. Continue my journey to enjoying the smaller things in life that bring joy: I have been enjoying watching all the wildlife in my yard. I have more toads than anyone I know. I have a poor little bald-faced cardinal that hangs around my back door but he's fun to watch. I have watched my plants grow, and I have seen beautiful sunsets and lightning. I have learned to take the time to enjoy lap-fungus (Extra) and hanging out with friends.

11. Learn a new instrument: Failure...however, hubby seemed interested in me learning euphonium, since I loved learning it in college. I didn't do anything with it, it was just fun.

12. Quit being such a nag: Trying, trying. Doing okay. Hubby's work has been pretty stressful so I'm trying to not add to that by being bitchy and naggy. It slips through sometimes, and sometimes you just have to nag or nothing gets done.

13. Continue to foster my new friendships at work: Done. It's so weird not seeing them every day!

14. Be more supportive of my husband's efforts to continue to improve his alma mater fraternity: Um, yeah, going to like 4 weddings, one of which we'll have to stay in a smallish town overnight, just for fraternity brothers. I'm doing my best to be supportive!

15. Become a more savvy shopper: I've learned the secrets of Ross and have a stack of grocery coupons. I even managed to get coupons for organic produce and berries. I rock!

16. Save up and buy another lens for my camera: Instead, I bought a small Canon elph point and shoot that I love.

17. Stop breaking my wedding ring: That same crack is there, but the stone's still in it! I hardly wear it during the summer, though.

18. Prove once and for all that my school building is haunted: Not up there at this time, however I still hear things when I am there, I am just always alone when it happens!

19. Receive a glowing review when the assistant principal reviews my journalism class: The review never happened. However, we did do these student evaluations at the end of the year and most of my kids really enjoyed beginning journalism and had a lot of nice things to say.

20. Continue trying a new recipe every month: Not actively trying, but I have made some new versions of old favorites.

21. Be more open to trying new cuisines: Um....I want to try a Peruvian place really bad, and this farm-to-table place, but I doubt that I'll be eating the chicken livers or bone marrow appetizers.

22. Continue working to be a more stable person, and to keep a hold of my struggle with depression: Most days are good, but I have my moments. I try to keep those moments at home. I can't afford to be a crazy person at work, but when I'm here alone, well, as Julia would say, "Who's to see?"

23. Continue to delight in the triumphs and successes of my students: No problem :) I have also learned to delight in their oddity, their nerddom, and the fact that they accept me, a total crazy nerd weirdo, so easily.

24. Do more to take care of myself: My arms and legs are covered in scratches and bruises. It's like I walked through a barbed wire fence and fell over. Cat scratches, fence scratches, self-inflicted nail scratches, bumps against the wall...I'm trying to take care of myself but it's not working!

25. Take a vacation, even if it is just a small weekend trip to Dallas: Done. Eureka Springs for a weekend. Slept a bunch, very relaxing.

26. Re-invest myself in strength training: I re-joined my gym and have made use of the weight machines. The leg press and abductor/adductor machines really help my hip flexor.

27. Actively save money. We don't save nearly enough: Saved, spent it on tuition and vacation.

28. Keep a cleaner house, especially my office, which is a mess at the moment: It's pretty clean around here right now, but it's because I'm always here! And, my office is back to normal, after three months of a hole in the wall and a cat peeing in the corner. Ew.

29. Be less hypercritical of others: Uh...

30. Finish the little projects around the house--curtains, hanging things, photos in frames, etc: Haven't really got any projects at this time, just trying to keep it clean!

31. Continue to enjoy my new found outlook on life: I'm doing okay with this. Currently, I'm enjoying just relaxing, which isn't something I do much during the school year. My mom told me last weekend she was glad to see me taking some time to relax, too. I guess she was worried about me :/ We get busy, though. That's just life.

So, I'm doing okay! I can't do much about the C25K issue right now, but maybe my hip will be strong enough in the fall to start running again. My sister got some of those Vibram shoes and I'm so green-eyed it's ridiculous. Other, more pressing financial matters (even more tuition) are taking precedence right now, unfortunately, so those will have to wait. In the meantime, I will try to get to the gym more than just a couple times a week (I tried Zumba last week and it was way fun!) and make it a habit so when school starts it will just be part of my routine. Hopefully.