Thursday, June 23, 2011

Restless everything

I am feeling very restless today. My legs are bouncing around under me as I type this, it's the only thing keeping me sane right now.

The last time I remember feeling like this, I had gone off my anti-depressant and restlessness was one of the discontinuation (i.e. withdrawal) symptoms. I can't focus on anything, not even the tv. I couldn't read a book. I couldn't work on my journalism curriculum. I definitely couldn't focus on getting an outline of the development of harmoniemusik during the Classical period for my comprehensive history paper.

The only thing I can think of is hormones, because I'm not necessarily bored. I WANT to do all of these things but my brain won't stop long enough to digest whatever it is that I am doing. The other morning, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill down the sink. It's a monophasic pill, meaning the dose is the same all month long, so I just took the next one, knowing that my month would end a day earlier than usual. Today is the day when I should have had a pill but didn't. I've always been very sensitive to them, even the super low dose ones I have now, as well as pretty much any medication, aside from NSAIDs. I wonder if the early flux in hormones has something to do with it.

I feel like I'm going batty.

There. Typing actually seems to help.

In other news, I tried Peruvian food the other night and it was fantastic. A couple of ladies from a website I visit (one of whom I had met once, the other I had not met at all, aside from our online personas), invited me out for this delicious dinner. I was surprised, flattered, and a little...well, shocked. I told the one that I had not met that I was glad I hadn't found a way to alienate her, as I seem to do that so well so much of the time! She thought that was pretty funny.

Work on my journalism curriculum is going well. I've gotten through three units now, slogging through sports writing. Op-Eds are staring me in the face right now but I can't think about them. I am proud that I have been able to get fairly far ahead to get the year started. I know I won't get to work on this project at all in July.

My nine hours and comprehensive exams are looming over my head. I almost regret my history paper topic, but after being denied the first time, I felt creatively stunted and chose something else, perhaps poorly. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the earlier history of my topic, and have hit a wall with it.

My efforts to de-pee the house have not been totally in vain. I feel like I am making progress in the dining room, though we know someday, not too far into the future, we need to take out the carpet, seal the floor and put down laminate. It makes more sense in a dining room, anyway, even though it isn't being used for that purpose at this time.

This morning I sat down and made a little wishlist of all the things I would like to do to the house in the nearish future, and then my ultimate, shoot for the moon wishlist, which probably won't happen (choose a new color for the outside trim and gutters and paint it...yeah, right). I feel like some of them are pretty manageable, like putting in a new showerhead in my hallway bathroom or putting down new vent grates, as the ugly ones we have now are an eyesore. Both of these are fairly inexpensive. Some things on the list, like putting in a vent fan in the hallway bath, will require us to hire someone, but are still within reach.

At this point, I am just trying to not dread July and look forward to a possible vacation at the end, and what should be a really good school year for me. My yearbook staff has almost $3,000 to start the year (holy cow, the most we ever had before was a $14 carryover), I have great upper class group in band, and though my newspaper staff is small, they are good, and I plan on outsourcing some other work to non-staff students and let them freelance a little. The school is getting some major upgrades, like new lighting, heating, windows, and hopefully chillers, in an effort to make the building energy efficient. We're even getting school-wide wifi! I can use a laptop in my classroom! (not that I couldn't before, but cordless sure would be nice). So, I'm just trying to look forward to the good and not dread the not as good.

I feel better for having typed all this out. Less restless. Perhaps I'll bake something and that will make me feel like I accomplished at least something today.

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