Discouraged

So, school's great. The kids are great. I feel like a crazy person trying to keep up with everything, but a couple of things will calm down starting this week so I know it's going to get better. Losing a plan really affected me for awhile.

The weight loss has not been stellar. I keep losing/gaining the same 2-3 pounds over, and over, AND OVER and it's driving me nuts. I'm not working out so much that I would ever believe that I've put on muscle. Clothes are fitting the same, measurements, same. I know I'm not drinking enough water (my hoarse voice can attest to that) but since the water fountain next to my room gave out, I just can't always find the time to refill like I would like! I also hate running to the bathroom every hour; when it was over 90 in the building and a million outside, I loathed going into that hot box to peel off my clothes, only to have to yank them on again. Since the heat broke a bit it's not been so bad. I have a hard time believing that is my only reason for not losing.

So, this week I'm going to be super-strict. One free meal. No OJ so no smoothies. Work out every day. No wheat. (I'm still allowing potatoes because they have amazing nutritional benefits and it keeps me from eating pasta, etc.) No fast food. Nothing, nadda, zilch. We'll see how it goes. I just don't know if I'm not eating enough or eating too much. Doing the carb-cycling thing was way to difficult to stay with, given my crazy work life. I was just trying to keep the carbs down in general.

I would have a little treat now and then, but not so much that it should be affecting me. I'm just frustrated and confused. I guess I'm even going to have to cut out smoothies with OJ and my daily allowance of chocolate. No more frozen yogurt. I've definitely cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back on the alcohol. I think I'm just going to leave that for Friday happy hour. Otherwise, none at home. My tolerance is so low now, anyway, that I'm happy with just a couple of drinks.

So, this has just been a pity party. I've noticed an increase in strength, for sure. I need to get some 10lb weights so I can move up on some of my weight lifting moves (shoulder presses, bicep curls, triceps work, chest presses and flies, and a couple others) and soon I'm going to need to bump up past the 25lb that I have for rows.

I'm really considering going to a Zumba class, as well. They're only $5. Seems like fun. I sort of wish I had someone to go with me; but the other side of me doesn't want help and doesn't want anyone who knows me seeing me dance like that. Ha.

I've also been frustrated financially. I'm still trying to pay off flooring, summer tuition, and my work wardrobe replacement. I was prepared for one of the three: tuition. I'm glad I got the clothes; I feel more confident and I've gotten a lot of compliments. I know I look more professional, which is great. I know my new principal wanted that from everyone. But, these things don't come free. However, I did get lots of stuff on super-sale (Land's End Overstocks and private sales are becoming a new best friends) but, not free. My plan is just to empty my savings into my card, pay as much as I can, keep my car payment and insurance covered and maybe give myself a little cash for the month. I don't need much in the way of "stuff" right now, anyway, except for the weights. And not too long from now, new workout shoes. But, I'm pretty good everywhere else. Hopefully, I'll get to the point where I can save again.

It's not like I have that much saved, anyway. H said he would help me as soon as he's caught up with his expenses, which hopefully will be soon.

So, that's me griping. Free meal this coming week is going to be spaghetti with meatballs. H suggested "blackened tuna steaks" and that pisses me off. He knows I LOATHE fish and that's too healthy for a free meal! He can go out and get that stuff if he wants it, but I'm not cooking it. Have I mentioned his new affection for kippers and sardines? I freaking hate that shit. The smell alone is vomit-inducing for me. I can't even stand the smell of canned tuna. I can tolerate canned salmon, but not fresh. I don't even like to cook shrimp because of the smell. Okay, that was a totally random rant. I guess I'm just tired of those kinds of suggestions.

Off to meal plan for the week and eventually work out. And clean. And help with laundry...usual Sunday stuff. I'm so boring :P